Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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