weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
