I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
