Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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