just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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