I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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