Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
