my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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