He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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