I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
