I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
