i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Less talking, more tequila
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
