Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
