K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
