I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
