He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
