He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
