Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
