Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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