Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
