bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
