ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
