So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
