i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
