i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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