so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
