Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
