Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
