Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
