Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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