I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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