The maid of honor just puked.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
