I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Let's get the cat blown out
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
