I can tuck mytits in my pants
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
