you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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