I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
