i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I puked a lego.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
