Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
