I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
