after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
