why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
