I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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