I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
