Taylor Swift is so right about you.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
