I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I still have a little drunk in my system
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
