Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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