Tell her she can't have a vagina
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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