turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
