I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
