my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She announced her abortion via fbk
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
