i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
