I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
