Whod you bang
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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