Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
