white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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