So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
