I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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