whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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