ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
