im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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