so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
