I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
