you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
