Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize