last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
