well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
