So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
