I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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