Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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