this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
