remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
