oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize