he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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