just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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