wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
