am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
