is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
