She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
