Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
