I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I can feel your judgement through the phone
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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