I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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